I often find myself torn between who I am, and who I would like to be. I find myself, constantly-in fact, daily- fighting in an internal battle between my human nature, (that is, the flesh), and the spirit. I struggle with living out biblical concepts like: Fully trusting and obeying God, depending upon God, and waiting upon Him; (just to name a few.)
The truth is, there is nothing I want more in the world, than to be the person that God Himself created me to be. I want to be of service in His Kingdom; I want to be an instrument in His hands; I want to be a jar of clay; I want to fulfill the purpose God has set for me…But by the same token, this burning desire within my heart to please God, to bring a smile to His face, joy to His heart, and to be in complete sync with His will for my life, doesn’t always translate so smoothly into corresponding actions. And here’s where I falter. Here’s where I so often fail. Here is where I feel so much like the apostle Paul when he said:
“When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am!” (Romans 7:19-24a; New Living Translation)
In other words, I want to trust God with all of my heart; I want to obey Him fully; I want completely depend on, and wait upon, God. But the fact of the matter is, I stumble and I fall. And as a direct-and almost immediate-result of this stumbling and falling of mine, guilt follows, not far behind; creeping into my heart like a chronic disease that doesn’t want to leave. It attempts to rob me of my peace. And it often succeeds; (at least temporarily.) I dare say, this has become a vicious cycle for me. Because every single time I fall, I’m reminded of all the wrong that I have said and done in the past. Consequently, guilt settles in like a stubborn thief; weighing heavily on me.
Now, in my heart and soul I know I’ve been forgiven, redeemed, and made new by the precious blood of Jesus Christ! (Amen!) By contrast, I cannot help but to feel disappointed in myself; because after all, God has always shown His faithfulness and goodness to me. He has never deceived me. He has always been there for me; even before I came to believe. So, I cannot help but wonder why I struggle to fully trust, obey, depend, and wait upon God; (among other things.) It makes absolutely no sense to me. Nevertheless, it is truly, and honestly, the predicament in which I often find myself.
Thankfully, there’s hope for me, and for all of those who believe. For the Word of God says:
“That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to [H]im and never stop trusting [H]im. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for [H]e faced all of the same temptations we do, yet [H]e did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive [H]is mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.”
(Hebrews 4:14-16; New Living Translation)
And what’s more, if we come to God wholeheartedly, and confess our sins, He’s more than willing to forgive us, and cleanse us from our sins; also permanently lifting from our shoulders, the heavy burden of guilt that comes along with them. For it is written:
“But if we confess our sins to [H]im, [H]e is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.”
(1 John 1:9; New Living Translation)
In closing, I would like to express my heartfelt and eternal gratitude, for the abundant love, undeserving grace, and the Everlasting mercy, which God Himself pours upon me every day.
(Thank you, Jesus!)
So, my prayer for us all, is that GOD ALMIGHTY may always keep us in His perfect Peace, and guilt-free; (provided we confess our sins before Him, daily and strive to change our ways.)
May we always know that the precious blood of Jesus Christ, poured out for you and me on that wooden cross, is all we need to be completely washed clean, and totally free from the burden of sin.
And may God have mercy upon us all, as we strive to answer the call that God has given us all:
To develop a loving, intimate, and genuinely sincere, relationship with Christ as we walk through this life; waiting expectantly for His return! (Amen! Hallelujah!)
MAY GOD HIMSELF HELP US ALL!
In Jesus’ Precious name I pray,
Amen & Amen!
May all the glory, honor, and praise be given to God always!
Amen & Amen!
